2003-06-19 6:15 p.m.

So if I had taken the Rooms Inventory Manager job in Dulles, do you think i'd be sitting in DC right now thinking, Man I should have taken that job in San Diego. Yeah, probably so. Plus when I moved DC was still zoned as zone 2 when SD was zone 3, even though they have similar costs of living. And I guess I wouldn't be sitting in DC, since it's 9:18 pm there and I know I wouldn't be living in DC, but probably Springfield.

So I'd be even more broke than I am now because I wouldn't have gotten the 20% raise. But I would have been able to be around Xina more during her recovery from surgery. That would have been nice. Plus anytime I get one of these silly homesick things like I have right now, I'd just be able to take a weekend and drive down to see the family.

But, from the yay Cali front - I missed the coldest winter in forever and day after day of snow. So that was good. Also, I got to take a weekend and photograph all the buffy locations. Plus I've seen the Red Elvises twice now. I've also got to see David lots. I use to could count - once in '99; twice in 2000; once in 2001; 3 times in 2002. Now its June and I've lost count. But Jody and Xina are only one. Damnit. Why can't the four of us live in one city.

And also only one week of my niece for the whole year.

But I'm glad I did it. I really feel like I've accomplished a lot. I earned the promotion through lots of hard work with the company & since I've been here I haven't had the safety net of "well if anything goes wrong my whole family is an hour down the road." And I'm ok & I've had fun.

But now that my newphew is on the way I'm starting to feel selfish. I know you can't live your life for other people & I know I don't want to live in NC, but that doesn't mean I have to be 2,500 miles away. And I miss Xina and Jody so much!!! {{and for anyone who doesn't know - Xina is my nickname for Christina.}} But if I move back across the US I'll be missing David a ton. But thinking like that makes it seem like I'm picking one of my friends over the other, and I'm really not. I've wanted to live in Cali since I was 16. I think I just waited to late. But if I had come earlier, then maybe I wouldn't have gotten to my Mom as a person and not as a parent or my sister as a person and not just my bossy older sister. Life is too complicated some times.

I'm going to call Joe now and see if he has my numbers. If not, I'm going home. It's 6:30, I think that's long enough to wait.