2003-06-27 4:50 p.m.

I've got to stop fixating on how fucking horrible things are in this cluster. You know why? They aren't going to change! I can't even get Jacqui to understand NOT using rate category Z for yeildable rates. And she says we can't treat Associate Rates as yieldable because the GM's get pissed. Well, you know what, fuck em, because John Marriott says they are yieldable therefore they are. And why you use Z for anything? Just make G the lowest price point! We have A-F for rates we yield that the GM's won't scream about. So we take the one's they don't want open now (summer season) and put them in G & just close them. It saves so much damn time instead of opening them one by one. I just wish J would grow some fucking balls because we're never going to win. San Diego isn't fucking Shangra-la. These GMs are subject to the same corporate policy as the rest of the country, yet they want to bitch and moan when they have to abide by the policy. So J does what they want so she doesn't have to stand up to them but she puts herself (and us) in jepordy of getting yelled at by regionals, possibly written up or even fired for going against policy! It's so not worth it.

Today Rob, my previous boss in Charlotte, sent me a job opening in Dallas. And I know I'm not eligble yet for it, but it got me to thinking.... do I really want to give up 8 years with Marriott over this one cluster? I honestly don't. I really enjoyed my job in Charlotte. And there's still a lot of opportunity with this company given my enjoyment of using MARSHA. The problem that looms heavy is that Jacqui says she isn't going to let me transfer when I'm eligable. Jody had a good suggestion, that I go to my HR director and talk about my options. I know that I have to be here until November, and I am fine with that. November I can handle. But I WILL NOT suffer through another summer in San Diego working under Jacqui.

Maybe I have been brainwashed by the cult, but I really feel that as long a corporate policy isn't asking me to do something leagally wrong, then why fight the windmill? It is what it is. And there have been many times when I've thought about going to Mike Taylor and saying - look this is the situation that I'm being put in and I don't appreciate it. But I haven't because J's a nice person. But I really feel like now that she's stated she's going to extend my sentance by another 3 to 4 months, fuck it. The gloves are off.

So, back to Jody's idea, maybe around October, I go to HR & say "I know I signed an 18 month contract, but what are my options now that we're approaching 12 months?" I don't want to have to quit the company, but....

It would be totally different if I knew what else I wanted to do. I know what I can do & do amazingly well & that's work in marsha. But if I know what else I could do & could possibly enjoy & that would support me financially, then I'd have no qualms about quiting. But quiting just to go work in another hotel for a different brand? I don't see the purpose. Unless it was at Belligio or the Venetian, cause that might be cool.

So anyway... more strange dreams last night, and I didn't drink anything. And for the first time in a million years (ok, hyperbole, months) I had a dream with a rockapella guy in it. In my dream I was at a big Gamma Sig convention and Jeff was one of the speakers on community service projects. Strange. There were lots more dreams that I remembered this morning when I woke up but after a long day of work, they're so gone.

No big weekend plans. I'm going to drive to the east county & hopefully find cool things to take pics of. Also I'm going to check out Pala Casino, Resort & Spa for a part time job. It'd be a bit of drive for me, but it might be cool.

You know... maybe I should call Julius... I could talk to him about my options before I talk to Stacy in HR. Maybe around November the Conf Center in Spartanburg won't have a Rev Mgr yet... they don't even have their main DH screen loaded yet. Granted living in SC was never on my possible plans, but I'd be close to Jody & Ally & back in the MA region... AAAHHHH!!!! Why can't I quit obsessing about work??!!??

Ok, straw, camel, I'm going home.