2003-07-08 11:09 a.m.

There you find a Front Desk Clerk who's getting paid maybe a buck or two over minimum wage & is expected to be an Smiling, Happy, Helpful Emmisary for that hotel. And All People in the World walk up to that desk thinking they are ONE and only customer that the desk clerk has had to talk to or will have to talk to for the rest of the day. And from that perspective you wouldn't believe the shit that comes out of the customer's mouth. Get a bunch of desk clerks together & dear God at the stories you'll here. Christina, Mario & I still do it. And we haven't worked at the front desk in years and years.

People actually get angry at you, cuss you out because their Travel Agent booked them at the wrong hotel. You're accused of lying when you say your hotel is sold out. People ask for the most fucked up rates at stupidly low prices and when you can't give them this imaginary rate, they rant and rave about how important they are, their company is & "Do you know how many nights a year I stay with Marriott" - or Hilton, or Hyatt. The chain doesn't make a difference. They're shocked that the prices in your hotel is so high when they just got a room in Atlanta for $45 less. They yell at you when the snow storm knocks out the power. They get angry when you don't know the exact mileage from Greensboro NC to Roanoke Rapids. Then if you're lucky enough to be working the next day when the guest checks out, he'll inform you - as he glares at you - that thanks to the big wreck on the Interstate YOU told him to take - he was late for his meeting. Never mind that it's the only Interstate that he could have taken, the wreck? His lateness? Your Fault! And this morning when Danielle brought in this "I Am A Desk Clerk" that I hadn't seen in probably 6 or so years, the memories just came flooding back.

So here's some good ol' sarcasm, based totally in reality, that really sums up life as a Front Desk Clerk:

******

�I AM A FRONT DESK CLERK�

I have advanced degrees in accounting, public relations, marketing, business, computer science, civil engineering.

Of course I have the reservation that you think you booked 6 months ago, even though you don�t have a confirmation number and you think it was made under a name that starts with �X�.

It is not a problem for me to give you 7 connecting, non-smoking, oceanview suites with 2 king beds each, and yes, I can install a wet bar. I know it is my fault we do not have a Skyview Lounge on the top floor.

I AM A FRONT DESK CLERK.

I am expected to speak all languages. It is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday that you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial information and decisions, and yes I can tell you why your bill from March contained a .75 cent phone charge because obviously you never pay for phone charges.

I understand that McGillicutty�s Widget Manufacturing is a vast empire that will make or break our hotel. Yes, I am lying to you when I say I have no rooms available. It is not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms. This time I will not forget the Skyview Lounge.

I AM A FRONT DESK CLERK.

I am quite capable of checking 3 people in, 2 people out, taking 5 reservations, answering 15 incoming phone calls, and plunging the toilet in Room 210�.all at the same time.

I always know where to find the best vegetarian, kosher, and Mongolian barbeque restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this city in 15 minutes and not spend any money. I take personal blame for the airline food, traffic jams, power failure, and the National Economy. I realize you meant to book your reservation here, people often confuse us with The Galaxy Delight Motel of America. Of course I can �fit you in� and yes you may have the special One Dollar Rate because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting & Bagel Club.

I am expected to smile, empathize, sympathize, console, cajole, upsell, downsell (and know when to do which), perform, sing, dance, and fix the printer.

I AM A FRONT DESK CLERK.

I do all things�. And will try to look busy when Management is around!!!