2004-01-28 9:19 a.m.

GEORGIE PORGY Puddin and Pie,Kissed the girls and made them cry. And when the boys came out to play, He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

************************

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

"Billy."

"And what is your question, Billy?"

"I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? "

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?" Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is.

"Steve"

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, what the hell happened to Billy?"

**************************

There has only been eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use.

They are as follows :

11. "What the @#$% do you mean we are sinking?"

-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the @#$% was that?"

- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"

- Custer, 1877

8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."

- Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"

- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"

- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"

- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the @#$% are we?"

- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers .... My a--!"

- Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"

- Bill Clinton, 1999

and the number one only time the " f " word was acceptable in history.......

1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad."

- Sadaam Hussein, 2003.

**************************

This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend. The last line says it all.

Dear Bertha,

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries.

I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was.

I'm guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.

I don't believe in Miracles. I rely on them. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.