2003-06-17 4:25 p.m.

When I was watching Season 4 when it was coming on Tuesday nights as first run episodes, I didn't like season 4 at all. Turns out Joss was giving me a lesson in patience. Season 4 was painful to watch at times, frustrating at others. With 1 - 3 I had gotten very spoiled by the big seasonal arc. And I had also so gotten spoiled by the togetherness of the Scooby gang. Season 4's guise was "Buffy's first year of college." But it wasn't so much about college or even just Buffy as much as all of our beloved gang being at a point in your life that's full of change. New location & new people and how do you find your place in it? How do you hold the bonds of friendship that were once so important to you and now it seems like you just don't have time.

Now that I can look back at the season as a whole, knowing whats happened in the 3 years that follow, it's obvious that the characters had to go through the things that they did because it's often the hard parts of life that give us strenght and character. Now that I can watch the episodes knowing the gang didn't fall apart, Willow survived Oz's departure, Giles got a life & Xander got a darn good job without the anchovie smell... I can really enjoy these episodes fully - the writing, the direction, the great actors. I have to say that now, it is one of my favorite seasons. Without writing a book, which I may but not on purpose, here's why - by episode:

The Freshman & Living Conditions - These episodes belong to Willow. She's so very happy being in a place where it's encouraged to be smart and try to learn. And even with the horrible roommate sitch, she's Ms. Joe Positive. And OMG at her hair. Ally's just So beautiful. It's all this happiness now that helps break your heart when Veruca pops up. And major kudos to Joss for putting that 30 second shot of Oz and Veruca in Living Conditions and not explaining it at all.

The Harsh Light of Day - Spike in a "guest staring" role. Happy times. And Harmony's too damn funny. Best Moment:

H - Is Antonio Bandaras a vampire?

S (annoyed) - No.

H - Can I make him a vampire?

s (annoyed) - No. (pause) Wait. Yes. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids too.

And so sad at the end, Buffy, Anya & Harmony all made sad by the poop-heads in their life (MEN!)

Fear Itself - when I first saw it I thought "They did this in season 1 with "Nightmares" - well, no they didn't because how much did we all change from 16 to 18? That's a huge part of our lives. It was cool to see how our characters were developing & we saw that their fears were more on a "feelings" level. Best scene - Joan of Arc and God.

Beer Bad. I had no idea why they were doing this episode when they did it and I thought it sucked. But the points it made about the id, the ego & the super ego were really in keeping with the theme of the year - finding your place and keeping it all in balance. Plus it was awesome to see Caveslayer knock Parker out. Twice.

Wild At Heart. OMG, breaks my heart every time. The audio commentary is awesome. Seth is fun. I was quite surprised to hear Marti say fuck. Lots of people say they hate Marti. I think she's cool as hell. This is a phenom episode.

The Initiative - I've never liked Riley. He so wasn't the guy for Buffy. But he is who she needed at the time. Plus - pee-in-your-pants-moment when you realize James Marsters is in the credits as a regular. He and Ally had the 2 best scenes - both worst - as in hard as hell to watch and best - as in funny as hell. And they're back to back. "why don't we wait 20 minutes and try again? or..." Doug Petrie's commentary is great. I think Doug's funny as hell.

Pangs. Again phenom episode, but one that I didn't like originally. It's painful to watch. The gang really starts to splinter here but at the time you didn't really understand why. Maybe that's why Buffy was so freaky over the dinner. She could sense the wrongness of the group dynamic, but like most gals, she thought it could be fixed by food. Plus at this point I was still wanting Buffy with Angel. Having him be there and not there.... sad. Best moment: Spike - you made a bear!!! Buffy - I didn't mean to!?! Spike - Undo it! Undo it!! Fun moment I didn't really get until I moved to california - "It was more like a riot than a Ralphs!"

Somthing Blue - there aren't enough words for the goodness that is this episode. I loved it the first time I saw it and the billion times since. It will always be in my top 10. Plus pay off in season 7 when Willow uses the talisman again...

Hush. My #3 favorite episode ever. Joss's commentary on the DVD is wonderful. His comment about the stunt double is my title. Now I'll be looking for boobs in all Buffy's fights. I think until season 6 when she got a new stunt double. Maybe with smaller boobs?

Doomed. Eh. It's a great Spike episode. More group splintering :-(

A New Man - funny. ASH kicks ass. Also a good Spike episode because of him working with ASH. Those 2 are great together.

The I in Team and Goodbye Iowa. The whole army thing bores me. And since I don't like Riley his character devlopment bores me as well. But the I in Team shows us the development of Tara and Willow & Goodbye Iowa gives us one of my favorite lines about Yummy Sushi Pajamas.

This Year's Girl - again fun commentary by Doug. And he's quite the psyco-analyst. And YAY! The Mayor!!!

Who Are You - I read the script. You think the show blows your mind, read the script. Plus how cool is it that Joss describes Faith's reaction by saying "Faith goes apeshit."

Superstar. I love Jonathan. I always have. I still remember wathcing this episode the first time and going "what the hell?" about 25 times. And again, good commentary. I think Jane Epsenson's so cool. Plus she kindof looks like Christina.

Where the Wild things are. Again with the Buffy/Riley. But take them out & this episode is wonderful - Giles whole singing thing. Yeah, it is sexy! Anya & Spike. Why is it that he seems to have great chemistry with every one he works with? Anya, Spike and Xander have the best moment of the show: Spike to Anya: What were you thinking? You brought me HERE? Then Xander cames up: Anya! What were you thinking? You brought HIM here? Spike: Thats what I said!! Except I hit the "here" part...

And that gets us through the first 18. The last 4 need their own entry as well. :-)