2003-07-11 9:58 a.m.

blindingly horrible, sharp, searing, stabbing, invisible....

pain

extra calcium, cut out the caffine, sugar, nicotine, try it anyway. doesn't work. Take a bath, take a shower. Live with the heating pad glued in place, will it help? its all worth a shot to get rid of....

pain

acetaminophen, Ibuprofen, 300mg? 800? 1600? Does it matter? As long as it's enough to make me sleep. How can my liver still be functioning after 20 years of this...

pain

breasts sore, lately - neausea, bloated, pressure, crying at every sad commercial on tv, all this on top of....

pain

do you think it's God punishing me for my sins? I don't think I've sinned enough to offset this agony. The Sin of Eve, thousands of years later being repaid inside of me. Maybe I was a mass murderer in a past life. That might equal out to this feeling of being sliced open from the inside with a scalding hot dagger....

Probably I won't even have kids so this whole cycle is useless. Useless it's here to cause me to have to call in to work because I can't drive with this pain & I'm so drugged I can't even walk to the bathroom with out hitting the wall. Wasted minutes, wasted hours, wasted day, drugged, sleepy, trying anything to escape this....

pain.